No Soul or Heart
by Leah C. Drawn
Summary: I saw him waiting by the altar. My heart was pounding in my chest. I could only hear the blood pulsing through my body with so much speed it was faster than lightning.He looked breathtaking.What girl wouldnt swoon over him? Including his wife-to-be Tanya.
1. Black Hole

I saw him waiting by the altar. My heart was pounding in my chest. I could only hear the blood pulsing through my body with so much speed it was faster than lightning. I could also feel my heart breaking. It was breaking into a million pieces that I wasn't sure anybody would be able to fix. I was broken. My heart was in so much pain that I begged God silently to stop this unending pain. But I knew it was a lost cause. My heart would never cease hurting. I hurt. I cried. I died. And it was his entire fault. It was the fault of my best friend for getting married. Getting married to the most perfect woman he could find. And it wasn't me. It was her. I knew all along I was never good enough for him. I knew she, Tanya, was. With her strawberry blond hair, and piercing blue eyes. It matched perfectly. He had messy bronze hair and green eyes so beautiful you get lost looking into its depths. He was beautiful. He wasn't mine.

I was watching my best friend get married. I saw Edward Anthony Cullen get married. I saw the love of my life getting married. And it hurt. It killed me. But he was happy, and that was all I could ask for. He was smiling so proudly, making Tanya his wife. Finally, I saw her walk down the aisle. She looked breathtaking in her white dress and veil over her eyes. No wonder he chose her over me. I had boring brown hair that reached my waist, and dull brown eyes. I wasn't ugly, just plain. Simple. Boring. Nothing like him.

Beside me was his sister and best friend Alice; and to my other side was Rosalie Hale, my other best friend. They were smiling widely, oblivious to their best friend's breaking heart. In the moment the priest asked if Edward wanted Tanya as his wife, I wished with every fiber of my being he would say no.

"I do," I heard him say. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped beating. Tears flowed against my will. The heart that had stopped beating wasn't there any longer. Instead, there was a black hole that didn't let me feel anything. I felt numb. I felt like dying.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice asked me, looking concerned. I just nodded in response.

"I'm just happy for him," I said. It was true, I really was. Even if it meant I was miserable. Which I was. Alice smiled and kept looking at the ceremony. Time ticked by, and soon I found myself at the reception. I was sitting, looking at Edward dancing with Tanya-his wife- their first dance. I looked down at my lap, with my hands that laid tangled in each other. I was a mess. I knew so.

"Bells, you ok?" Emmett asked me. He was another of my best friends, the teddy bear from the gang. I shook my head no.

"I think I'm going to go home," I whispered. He understood. He of all people understood my grieving, since only he knew. Only he knew of the pain in my heart. He hugged me tight, crushing me to him.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I wished it was different," he whispered in my ear before releasing me.

"Me too," I whispered. He nodded, and whipped away a tear that had fallen on my cheek. And that was just one of many tears to come, I knew.

I got out of there as fast as I could in heels. Giving up after too much stumbling, I took them off. But just as my hand was reaching for the door knob that would let me out of this misery, a hand stopped me. _His_ hand stopped me.

"Bella, you ok?" Edward asked me, looking worried. I nodded, numbly. I couldn't feel.

"No, Bella, you are not. Tell me what happened," he demanded. I shook my head no. "Bella, I swear to God I'll find out one way or the other," he said. I didn't look at him. It would hurt more. If I looked at him in the eye, he would see my pain. He would see right through me, like always. Except when it came to realizing I loved him. I sighed.

"Just leave me alone, Edward. Go be with your wife. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," I lied. It hurt, thinking of Tanya as Edward's wife.

"No. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," he said again. I sighed again, and looked at him in the eye. I was right, it hurt more. The hole in m chest got deeper.

"Bella…" Edward gasped, and pulled me in for a hug. I backed away quickly. I shook my head no.

"Don't," I said in a pained voice. He looked more confused than ever.

"We'll talk about it when you get back from the honeymoon," I said, flinching at the words. I knew my words were lifeless; after all, I myself couldn't find again my soul. Edward took it with him. He nodded sadly, before letting go of the elbow he'd been clutching. I nodded once, and ran away from there.

I got to my apartment in haste. I opened the door, struggling, and stumbled in the apartment. The first thing I did was to close the curtains. Then I changed out of the dress that was making hard to fill my lungs. But I knew the dress wasn't what was not allowing me to breathe. It was pain. I raced to my bedroom, and pulled out a pair of sweats and a big shirt. I quickly put them on, and going to the bathroom I washed the makeup away from my face. I looked at myself on the mirror. I could see a woman. A woman that had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and messy brown hair. But what stunned me most was that her eyes looked dead. They were dark, with no light… dead. If the eyes really were the gates to your soul, then she had none. And that woman was me.

Combing my hair back into place, I left the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I went to my living room, and sat down on a couch. I did not turn on the TV; I did not go to make myself something to eat since I wouldn't be able to hold it down. I just sat there, like stone. I sat there on the large couch with my legs pulled against my chest and hands between my legs to keep them warm. And I stared into nothing, just thinking.

I knew I had to get on with my life –if you could call it that- but the thing was; I didn't want to. I wanted Edward to realize he had loved me all along and not Tanya. And I was too much of a coward to tell him how I felt, and now I would never know what happened. Those 'what ifs' would haunt me down for the rest of my life.

Hours ticked by, and I was still like stone, sitting on the couch. It was later that night, and I still hadn't eaten one single meal. I couldn't. I made myself the food, but when I thought of Edward and Tanya, my hunger went away. It sickened me, thinking about it. Yet that was everything I could think about.

Like that, 2 days went by, and nobody came by. Emmett must had been holding them back. But then, as I was going to sit again at the couch after stretching my legs by going to switch sweats, there was a knock on the door. I walked as fast as my feet would let me, and I opened the door.

"Alice, Jasper, Rose… what are you doing here?" I whispered. I couldn't talk any louder even if I tried. They all got a panicked look on their faces.

"May we come in?" asked Rose. I nodded and held the door open a little wider. When Emmett passed by me he gave me an apologetic look, and I nodded. I would have smiled, but I knew I couldn't even do that. They all went to sit where I had been sitting for the past two days, and looked at me worriedly. Finally, Alice broke the silence.

"Bella, what happened? You have dark circles under your eyes, you look thinner and tired," she said. I nodded in response. Then I whispered.

"I haven't slept in two days. I haven't eaten in two days. I haven't talked, laughed or gotten out of here in two days," Alice gasped, Rose had a look of horror on her face, Emmett looked really worried and Jasper… well, he was being Jasper.

"Why?" Rose chocked out. I looked at her straight in the eye, and held her gaze. Comprehension passed through her eyes, and she gasped.

"Since when?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Since always," I whispered simply. Alice and Jasper looked utterly confused.

"What's goin' on?" asked Jasper with his southern drawl. Rose looked at him sadly.

"Bella is in love with Edward," she said. I felt another pang of pain in my chest at the mention of his name. Alice gasped and looked at me with wide sad eyes.

"Why did you never tell me?" she asked sadly. I looked at the ground.

"There was nothing you could have done about it," I whispered. And so the discussions kept on going, until they decided I was broken and needed time to fix. Alone.

The next day I made a decision. I was moving out. I was moving to LA and was never coming back. Dad and mom were dead, the love of my life was married to other woman, and my friends couldn't repair me. There was nothing holding me back. But the worst part was that I wouldn't tell my friends I was leaving. I would tell no one. So that day I booked a ticket to Los Angeles for Friday. I found a beautiful apartment not far from the beach, and quit my job. I was a chef in a good restaurant and made good money, but I had to leave it. I found a job application as a cook in a beautiful restaurant. I called and they told me the spot was still open, and the salary was even better than my last. I, of course, accepted the job.

So I set to work, and started packing in boxes my stuff. I taped, marked, wrapped and labeled. By the end of the day I was almost done with everything. I just had to send the stuff to my new apartment. Tuesday I was done, and so I sent all of my things to LA. I knew I was still a pretty awful mess, but I was sure that once I reached LA everything would turn out fine in the end.

When Wednesday came along, I still couldn't go to sleep. I knew I needed the sleep, because on day or the other, it was going to come back and bite me in the ass not sleeping. So I got in a pair of jeans, a white polo and snickers. I brushed my hair as well as I could, and headed out. I had to walk, because I had already sold my truck. I walked down a few blocks, and got to the Drugstore. I went in, the bell ringing indicating someone arrived, and stood in front of the counter. I tapped it lightly, and in came a doctor. He was handsome, but not as Edward.

"May I help you?" he asked professionally. I nodded.

"Do you have sleeping pills?" I asked quietly. He raised an eyebrow.

"Do you have a doctor's prescription?" he asked. I shook my head no.

"Then I'm sorry, but I cannot sell you sleeping pills," he said. I sighed.

"Please sir, you don't understand. I haven't slept in 5 days. 5 days. I need my sleep, sir. And it's not going to happen unless it's with pills. Because I can't. I want to but I cannot sleep and it's killing me" I pleaded with him. He looked at me with soft eyes. He nodded.

"I guess we can make an exception," he said softly. I nodded gratefully. He handed me the pills and I paid him.

"Thank you, sir. You don't know how much this means to me," I looked at him gratefully.

"What is your name?" he blurted out. I almost smiled.

"Bella Swan. And you?" I asked him. he smiled.

"Ted Bennett," he shook my hand.

"Well then, goodbye Dr. Bennett," I said, and walked out of the drugstore. The day was cold, and I had to wrap my arms around myself. That day, I finally slept. The problem was; I didn't sleep all that well. I dreamed of Edward's wedding again, but his time he told me he would never love me, and it hurt even in my sleep.

Thursday went by quickly, and I was nervous. I knew Edward and Tanya came back from their honeymoon today, and I didn't want Edward coming over here. So I crossed my fingers and prayed to God he would not come. I prayed. He listened.

Finally, Friday came around. I had my last suitcases packed and I was ready to go. I was just waiting for the cab I had called to arrive. But as I carried my suitcases to stand in front of the main door, there was a knock on the door. I was confused; I didn't expect anybody coming to visit me today. I assumed it was the mail guy, and so I opened the door. Boy was I wrong…

"Edward?" I chocked. He smiled his crooked smile at me, and motioned inside.

"May I come in?" he asked. I hesitated, the hole in my chest deepening further.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea, Edwdard…" I trailed off. He looked confused.

"Why? You said we could talk after I returned from the honeymoon," he said and I flinched. He didn't notice, however, and kept begging for me to be let in.

"Edward, I have a flight to catch," I whispered. He again looked confused.

"Bella, what is going on?" he asked. Before I could answer, he let himself in. there was nothing in the house. No furniture, pictures, food… nothing. Only my suitcases waiting for me.

"B-Bella? W-What d-does t-this mean?" he stuttered. I sighed.

"I'm moving, Edward," I said. He sighed in relief.

"Oh, were?" he asked. I'm sure he thought I meant house only.

"To other place. Another state," I clarified. Edward's face lost all color it had. He was speechless, I knew.

"W-Why?" he sounded like crying. I looked at him sadly.

"I need a new start. Somewhere where there's not so much reminders of…" I cut myself off. No need to make him suffer too.

"Of what, Bella?" he asked harshly. A tear slipped from my eye. I looked at him straight in the eye.

"Of what I couldn't have. Of what was taken away from me, and never getting," I whispered sadly.

"Bella, is that why you look like this? Why you look so destroyed? Please tell me what's wrong…" he begged. Just in that moment the cab arrived. I gabbed my bags and hurried over there, throwing my things in the cab's trunk.

"Bella, WAIT!" Edward yelled and ran to me. I stopped, opening the taxi's door.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Please tell me what's wrong…" he begged again. This time, I did.

"I loved you. I loved you and you got married. So now, I am forced to start a new life. One where you are not in it," I said, and slid in the cab, leaving him stunned outside.

"Where to, ma'am?" the driver asked.

"To the airport," I said simply, and watched Edward on the rearview mirror as I went away.

* * *

**Hey! So this is a story I came up with yesterday. I don't guarantee it will be that long, but I am guessing at least one or two more chapters. Review!**

**P.S: to those who want to know, if I get many reviews I will make it a happy ending.**

**Leah, your lovely, lovely author. (you know you love me darlin') ;)**


	2. Marry me!

It's been 2 years. It had been 2 years since I had last spoken with my best friends, or the love of my life. The love of my life that was married. I didn't talk, laugh, and cry… nothing. I felt nothing. I only gave short directions on the kitchen. Never more than a short sentence. I had received many e-mails from Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett. Edward never sent an e-mail once. But it didn't matter, because I never answered the e-mails. My life in LA was amazing. I had a good job, house, salary. I even bought a new car, a black convertible.

But I didn't have friends, because the people that tried to get close to me, I pushed away. They got tired of my silence, and decided that I wasn't worth the effort. I had lost so much weight, that the last time I went to the doctor he told me I was underweight. I was a 22 year old, with no life and underweight.

That day, I decided I wanted to go for a walk to the park. I was rounding a bush, when I collided with someone. I fell back and hit the ground, hard. I thought I was seeing stars.

"Oh My God I'm so sorry!" yelled a voice. The owner of the voice helped me stand up, and brought me to a bench so I could sit.

"Thanks," I said dizzily. But once I had felt the world stopped spinning, I saw a guy. He was very handsome. He had blond hair, brown eyes and a warm smile. It made me want to smile back. So I did. I smiled for the first time in two years, and it wasn't fake.

"Are you alright?" the guy asked I nodded again.

"I'm sorry. My name is Seth Clearwater," he smiled and extended his hand for me to shake. I felt like I had to smile again. And again so I did.

"Bella Swan," I shook his hand. He smiled wider, and something inside of me made me want to blush. Yet for once, I didn't.

"I hadn't seen you before around here," Seth smiled. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Damn it!

"Well, it's kind of the first time I've come here. And I regret not doing so after 2 years," I said. I was shocked with myself. That was the most I had said since moving to LA.

"You hadn't come here! I can't believe my ears," he sighed dramatically. "Well, I was born and raised in California," he smiled. We kept talking for some hours, and I was impressed with myself. Nobody had made me laugh or smile like I just had in years. Seth was very sweet, and I learned he had a sister named Leah. He told me he loved her, but that sometimes he felt like yelling at her. By the time he had to go, I found myself yearning to talk to him again.

"So, um Bella… can I have your number?" he asked me nervously. I smiled. It was like he could read my mind.

"Of course, but I want yours too," I said. We exchanged phones, and he dialed his number in my phone and I dialed mine in his. We traded phones again, and with a last goodbye, he was gone.

I walked my way back home, feeling so happy, I felt like flying. Seth was amazing. When I was with him, I forgot of my troubles. I stopped thinking about Edward. It was nice, to have a break from him once in a while.

I danced my way to the kitchen, and made myself a nice meal. It was Sunday, so I had no work today. At some points, I would laugh randomly, surprising myself. What had gotten into me? At about 7pm my phone started ringing. It read Seth. I giggled to myself, happy, and answered.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Bella! Hey, it's Seth," he greeted. I smiled.

"Hey Seth. What's up?" I asked him. He laughed nervously.

"Um, well… you see… I was wondering if you would like to go in a date with me tomorrow?" he asked me. My smile grew wider.

"I'd love to," I said. I heard him sigh in relief.

"Great! I'll pick you up at, say, 7?" he asked. I laughed and agreed. Soon enough, we said our goodbyes, and I was left to myself in my big apartment. I touched my chest, when there had been for the last two years a deep and black hole. I didn't feel the emptiness. I just felt nothing. But not a bad nothing, it meant that I was slowly, really slowly, stopping to hurt. I had been hurting for the last two years so bad, and finally I was making progress.

The next day, it was really crowded at the restaurant. So therefore, more work for the cook. The day slowly crawled by, but the whole time I was smiling. I knew my helping staff noticed my change, and started talking to me. This time, I answered. That had been my best day ever since arriving at LA. Finally, it was time for me to go.

"Bye, Bella! See you tomorrow!" said Angela with a kind smile. I had always liked her, but never gotten really the chance to talk. I returned it by waving my hand, and walked away. I was walking home, when I realized something. I didn't have an outfit for my date with Seth. So I quickly went to the Mall (after 22 years, I still hated it) and looked for one. Finally, at the last store, I found the perfect dress. It was a strapless blue summer dress, with polka dots and a white sash in the waist. It reached to my knee, and I loved it **(A/N dress on profile)**. I quickly bought it and headed home.

Once I got there, I hurried to the bathroom to have a quick shower. The hot water calmed me. It burned. It was delicious. I finished my shower and wrapping myself in a towel, I blow-dried my hair. Once it was done, I proceeded to put on my dress and white ballet flats. Then I put on some light make-up, a black eyeliner, pink lip-gloss and mascara. With a blue necklace and white hoops for earrings, and I was done. I checked the time, and noticed it was almost 7. I hurried downstairs and fixed a bit my living room, since I had scattered all over it my favorite books. At exactly 7pm, there was a knock on the door. My heart skipped a beat, and I hurried over there. I opened the door to reveal a grinning Seth, and I smiled back.

He took my hand and lifted it to his lips, giving it a little kiss. I, in a long time it seemed, blushed.

"You look beautiful, Bella," he complimented me. I blushed again. Stupid blushing nature!

"Thank you, Seth. You don't look half bad yourself," I teased. He smiled again, and straightened up.

"Ready to go?" he asked me. I smiled and nodded. He took me to his car, with a hand at the small of my back, and let me in the passenger side. That brought a flashback from long ago.

_Flashback_

_I was so excited about this dance. It was the senior prom, and I was going to go with Edward. I had asked him, giving the excuse I wanted to go but not with any of the guys, and he agreed. The only downside it was a date for me and for him only going out with his friend._

_The doorbell rang, and I sprang up from the couch to get the door. I opened the door, and I stopped breathing. There was Edward, in a tux, smiling my favorite crooked smile. He kissed my hand and told me I looked gorgeous. I blushed and said we better go. We headed outside, and Edward led me to the passenger seat with his hand at the small of my back. He got in the Volvo, and started the engine._

"_Thanks for doing this, Bella," he said. I looked at him confused._

"_Why?" I asked. He smiled wider._

"_Well, now I can try to make Lauren jealous," he said. Lauren was the girl he claimed to like, and was always after her. At his words, my heart broke._

"_Well, I'm glad I could help," I said with a weak smile. He was so focused thinking about Lauren, that he didn't seem to care. At the dance, Edward begged me to dance together. I agreed to one song, and when we were just beginning, Edward said Thank you, and walked away to a jealous looking Lauren. After that, I looked for Emmett, the only one of my friends that knew I was in love with Edward, and told him I was going home. When he asked why, I motioned to Edward dancing with Lauren. He understood, like always. He drove me home and got back to the dance. After two weeks, I didn't speak to Edward. He didn't even notice, being too busy with Lauren. Then, with one week more, I had forgiven him and he never even noticed I had stopped talking to him._

_End Flashback._

Seth didn't notice my little, err… distraction, and I was glad. Thinking about that day only made me get madder at Edward. I mean, how could he?! I was his best friend, and not only did he use me, he left me for Lauren! I shook my head, to clear my thoughts and turned to Seth.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked him. He smiled.

"I am taking you to the beach and then to the restaurant," he smiled wider. I nodded in approval.

"I like the sound of it," I smiled. When we got to the beach, there wasn't too many people, and so, with shoes in hand, we walked. We talked about interests, about studies, hobbies… everything.

"Tell me about your family," he said. I hesitated a second.

"Well, I am from a little town called Forks in Washington, and my parents were divorced. My father was the chief of police, but he died in duty. My mother died of old age, but lived really happily with her new husband Phil," I said.

"I'm sorry," he said, ashamed of himself for asking the question.

"Don't be. My father and I were very distant, but he died doing what he loved apart of fishing" I joked. That man couldn't spend a week before going to fish. "And my mother died really happy. I do miss her most of the time, but I believe everyone has a time to go," I said. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"So tell me about your friends," I told him. He smiled goofily. He must have really loved his friends.

"Well, there is Quil Ateara. If you make fun of his name, he will hate you. Then there is Jared, and he won't tell us his last name, so don't even try to get it from him. Some of us are really starting to make a plan on how to get his driver license so we can take a look at his last name. Then there is Clair, and she is Jared's girlfriend. She is a really sweet girl. There's also Kim, Quil's girlfriend. And at last, Jacob Black. He is a really cool guy, and he loves building cars. His girlfriend Nessy, as we call her, is really cool, and sometimes hangs out with us," he said. I laughed when he said they couldn't figure out Jared's last name. I thought Rose would really like Jacob, as a friend of course.

"Tell me about yours," he smiled. I hesitated.

"Well, I kind of lost contact with them. But we knew each other since we were in dippers. There's Jasper Whitlock, he's from Texas. He is so calm and collected, that the only emotion you can get him to show is love towards his wife. His wife is Alice Whitlock, and I love her like a sister. She is this crazy pixy that has so much energy, that if you give her caffeine you are doomed. It is a mystery how she and Jasper can be so different yet so right for each other. Then there is Rosalie Hale. She looks like a model, and her second love is cars. She is a mechanic, and has _made_ the cars. She is the fiancée of Emmett Cullen, I guess wife now. Emmett is like a _huge_ bear. He can scare the shit out of someone who doesn't know him. Inside, he is like this huge teddy bear that wouldn't hurt a fly. And then there is Edward Cullen, Alice and Emmett's brother. He is a wonderful person, kind, sweet and caring. He married a woman called Tanya Denali, well, now Tanya Cullen some years ago," I said. I left out the part that I was in love with him and that he was absolutely gorgeous. Seth nodded in understanding.

"Those sure sounds like a bunch of friends you got there," he joked. I smiled. I realized I missed them like crazy. Alice dragging me to the Mall, Rose blabbering about cars, Emmett crushing the life out of me, Jasper being well… Jasper; and Edward and his obsession for his silver Volvo. I laughed out lout at a memory.

"What's so funny?" Seth grinned. I shook my head.

"Nothing. I was just thinking of this one time Edward was offered by his parents to go in a trip to Europe for 3 months, and he refused because he would have had to leave his silver Volvo under the care of Emmett," I laughed. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"He refused a trip to _Europe_ to be with his silver Volvo?!" he asked, astonished. This time, we both laughed hard.

The rest of the night, everything went fabulously. The food was excellent and Seth was so funny and careless, he reminded me of Emmett. By the end of the night, Seth and I were out of breath of laughing so much. We had such a great time, but, we just didn't click. As friends, yes. As a couple, no. I was glad he had felt it too, and we decided to stay friends.

Weeks had gone by since we first met, and finally after some more friendly outings, he was taking me to meet his friends. We were standing outside of their apartment, and I had brought with me a batch of chocolate-chip cookies for everyone.

"Bella, calm down," said Seth, rolling his eyes at the anxious waves radiating from me. Seth had become to be my best friend since the date. I trusted him so much, he even knew of my past with Edward and why I was here. He even laughed and told me that if that was the reason that when I told him about my friends I sounded so sad, and when I told him about Edward even sadder yet dreamily. I, being me, blushed and said yes.

"I can't calm down. What if they don't like me?" I asked him nervously. Again, he rolled his eyes.

"Bella, you have a batch of chocolate-chip cookies in your hands. Of course they will love you," he smiled at me and I giggled. I nodded at him I was ready, and he opened the door.

"Hey guys!" he called. In front of me were 6 people, 3 boys and 3 girls.

"Hey Seth!" they all called back and laughed.

"This is Bella," Seth introduced me.

"Hi," I said shyly. They all waved back. Seth then started explaining me who was who.

"The girl with red hair is Nessy. The girl with and evil smirk is Kim," he said, smiling. He was pointing to a girl that in fact, _did_ have an evil smirk. She had blond hair to her shoulders and had black eyes. I followed her eyesight, and noticed she was eying my covered batch. "The girl with long black hair is Clair. Quil Ateara is the one with jet black hair to the shoulders and that won't stop switching channels on the TV. Stop it Quil!" he scolded. "Sorry about that… Jacob Black is the one that looks ready to attack you if you don't show what you have in that batch and over there, with the brown short hair is Jared Something." He introduced them. Immediately Jared jumped to defend himself.

"My name is not Jared Something! It is Jared, thank you very much," Jared huffed and I giggled.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all. I'm Bella Swan," I smiled at them. They reminded me of my friends back home.

"So Bella…" started Kim. I braced myself. Something was not going to be nice for me…

"What do you have in there?" finished Jacob. I smiled.

"These are chocolate-chip cookies that I made," I said. Jacob's eyes filled with lust… for the cookies.

"Oh man! Seth, why in the hell didn't you bring here over before?!" yelled Jared. I laughed. Then he looked at me.

"You are like the sister I never had…" mused Jared. Kim smacked his arm, hard.

"You _do_ have a sister! _Me_!" she yelled. He smiled nervously.

"Yeah, but you never bake me cookies," he said and Kim huffed. I laughed. I walked over to them, and placed the batch of cookies on the table. I took one step back, and everybody launched to grab one. I gave a little surpsised shriek and stepped back.

"Told you so…" Seth joked. I punched his arm lightly. Suddenly I heard and saw Quil moan.

"Bella, will you be my wife?" Quil asked me with his mouth full of cookie. I laughed. When they had finished the cookies, I had received a proposal from everyone to be his/her wife.

"I'm sorry guys. But I think I'll settle for your friend," I laughed. Everybody whined but agreed. Suddenly Jacob shot up from his seat and put on a serious face.

"I declare that from now on, Bella has to be the official cook," he said, giving me the puppy dog eyes. I giggled. "I mean, we will help, but I don't think you'll want it," he added, embarrassed.

"Nobody in here can make a decent meal... much less cookies. Once Jared tried to make some, and he burned them completely," Seth explained, looking at Jared with an accusing look.

"It wasn't my fault the kitchen set on fire!" Jared defended himself, and everyone laughed. Seth just shook his head.

"Well, I'll think about it…" I pondered mockingly. Everyone turned to look at me with panic in their eyes. That's when Quil threw himself on his knees, followed by everybody else.

"Please Bella! We have been living on take-outs except when Seth's mother drops by food!" Jacob begged. They all nodded and I laughed.

"Alright, I will cook." I agreed. Jacob shot up from his knees, then Jared and then Quil. Between the 3, they crushed me in a big hug.

"Can't. Breathe." I chocked out and they let go of me. The rest of the night went by wonderful. I liked everyone. The girls were all very funny and Nessy said she hated shopping (at the point where I begged her to be my best friend) and the guys were hilarious. Quil was very quiet though. Just being around them made me miss my friends back at Forks.

When I got home, I was really tired. But happy. Oddly happy. Again, I touched the place in my chest where there had last been an empty hole. Now, when I touched it, I felt a heart. I felt a beating heart full of joy. I headed to the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was glowing. I was glowing with happiness. Finally, after 2 sad, lonely, empty years, I was happy. Now, I was happy, with friends and my life was as good as it could get. I smiled at my reflection on the mirror. It had been years, in which I didn't look at myself in a mirror. I didn't care how I looked; I knew I looked like a mess. This time, when I looked at myself, I looked radiant. I looked good. I looked alive.

It felt so good to be alive again. That dreadful day two years ago, killed me. Meeting Seth and his friends brought me back to life. And it felt good.

The following weeks were the best weeks of my life. I hanged out with Seth and his friends –my friends too now- normally and at work everybody liked me better. I was happy. I was alive. Finally, one Tuesday I had the day off, and I decided to go to a little coffee shop Seth and I found the other day.

So I headed there. The climate was good, fresh, and perfect to go on a date. I walked in the coffee shop, and the bell rang behind me, alarming everyone of my arrival. I went up to the counter and looked at the menu.

"I'd like to have mocha, please" I said. The guy nodded and arranged the order.

"Here you go. It will be two dollars, please" he said. I nodded and handed him the money. I looked around the coffee shop, and spotted an empty table. I quickly went to the table in hopes nobody would get there first, and sat down. I took out my tattered copy of Weathering Heights and took off where I'd stopped reading. Another two rings signaled the entrance of somebody some minutes later, and I kept reading. It wasn't as if I knew many people in LA really. Then, some miutes later the bell rang again. I, of course, kept reading. It wasn't until I felt another presence in front of me that I looked up. I was hoping to find the guy from behind the counter to tell me I had to leave, or Seth that had come here to have a drink. But oh boy I wished it was one of those. My breathing stopped. My world stopped. I dropped my book (and lost the page which I wasn't happy about). I could only stare.

"Bella…" the voice whispered.

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**Yey! So here I have my second chapter! I did this one extra fast because I did recieve reviews (quite fast might I add) and I had the time. So here, dear beloved, is the bomb question. If I get 6 reviews, telling me that the person in that Bella meets at the coffee shop is Edward, then so be it. But, if I don't, then it will be somebody else. You could also review telling me you want it to be someone like Alice or Rose or someone like that... I hope you liked this chapter!**

**P.S: Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Leah.**


	3. No Devolutions

He was back. Was this God's way of telling me 'No Devolutions'? Because it sure as hell seemed like it. I stared. That was all I could do. With shaking hands, I took the book I dropped. Tattered. The book was tattered. Like our relationship. But what relationship? How could he be back? He was supposed to be all the way back in Forks. With his wife. Oh God was she here? No. I would not panic. He chose her. He was hers, not mine. My poor heart was suffering again. Two years did no justice to him. Same bronze hair, green eyes and chiseled jaw. Still beautiful. The lines in his face were a bit more marked. But he was still beautiful. To me he would always be.

"Hello, Bella," Edward greeted me. I nodded in response. The silence was awkward. How could it not? He held my gaze in his endless green eyes. What was he doing? Was he searching in my eyes a kind of sign that told him if I hated him? Loved him? Both? _This cannot be happening_ I repeated in my head like a mantra.

"How are you?" he asked me after a while. I broke his stare. The powerful stare. I smiled weakly.

"I have never been happier," I said. Lies. Lies, lies all lies! _You are here now and it is killing me! I want to run my hands through your hair. I want to caress your cheek like I have always dreamed. I want to hold you in my arms and cradle you to my chest. But I cannot! I cannot because you have a beautiful wife whom you love so deeply._ I wanted to say all that. But I could not. I _had_ never been happier. Seth had showed me again a way of happiness that I had not felt since Edward married Tanya.

"Good, I am glad," he said, running his hand through his silky hair. Silk. I wondered not for the first time if it felt like silk.

"And how are you?" I asked. He smiled. My heart broke another time.

"I have never been happier in my life," he said. His eyes were full of happiness. And love. That love that belonged to Tanya. I felt another pang in my chest. But there, at the corner of his eye, was a different emotion. I could not, for my life, decipher it. Was it regret? Or maybe longing? Maybe even anger… but with whom? Himself? Me? Tanya? _Who?_

"That is good," I said, and then casted my eyes a little lower, to the cup of coffee in front of me. "How is Tanya?" I asked him. I saw him smile from the corner of my eye. Another happy smile that brought pain to my heart.

"She is doing great! I love her so much… we had a son did you know?" he asked me. I did. His name was Mason. Alice had written me about him. So yeah, again my recently cured heart felt another shot of pain.

"I'm so happy for you," I replied honestly. He beamed back at me. Had he forgotten my declaration of love 2 years ago? One look and I knew. Yes.

"And what about you Bella? Have you found yet Mr. Right man?" he asked me half-jokingly half-serious. But it also looked like he was afraid of my answer. I did what I had to do. I lied.

"Yes! Of course I did; I love him so much" I said. Some foreign emotion shadowed Edward's face but quickly disappeared. Then I saw my savior. Seth. "His name is Seth. He's right there," I told him. He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Seth caught my eye and looked at me strangely. I held up a finger for him to wait. He nodded.

"Sorry Edward, I need to go meet him. Nice talking to you though!" I said in a hurry and grabbed my tattered book. I hurried over to Seth without a second thought.

"What's wrong Bella? Who is him?" he asked me. I just hugged him tight to my chest.

"Please just pretend you are my boyfriend Seth. I'll explain later," I told him. I felt him nod and wrap his arms around me. Then I felt a kiss at the top of my head, and I lifted my head a bit.

"Is the guy looking at me?" I asked Seth. He laughed.

"More like shooting daggers at me…" he chuckled. I raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Why would that be?" I asked more to myself than to him. Then I looked back at Edward, and he was glaring at Seth, but when he saw me he looked down. He looked down with regret. Regret. Why? What did I mean to him? How much could I mean to him? He married another woman! The woman I longed to be with every fiber of my being! I looked back at Seth.

"Is he looking again?" I asked him. He nodded slightly. I took a deep breath. Once. Twice. Now…

"Kiss me on the lips," I told him. He looked at me like I lost my mind. Maybe I had. Or maybe I never had one to begin with…

"What?" he laughed nervously. "Are you doing it to make him jealous?" he asked me disbelievingly. I glared at him. He kind of got it right. But he didn't need to know that. Ever.

"No," I mumbled. "Look Seth, I'll tell you later. Just a peck on the lips, please! And I will make you from my cookies!" I pleaded. His eyes were full of lust at the mention of cookies.

"Well Bella, get ready for one big wet kiss," he joked, and I made a disgusted face. I pecked him in the lips (counting to 4) and pulled back, wrinkling my nose.

"Oh come on, Bella! I'm not a bad kisser!" he pouted and I had to laugh.

"No you are not, but you _are_ my best friend," I reasoned, and he pursed his lips and nodded. "Wait a second in here, I need to go say goodbye to the guy and then I'm out. Could you please come home with me?" I pleaded him. He must have noticed the desperation in my eyes. And pain. And loneliness. So much loneliness…

I hurried over to Edward, and he was glaring at the cup of coffee that once had been mine. Mine. What he was not.

"Hey Edward. Just coming by to say goodbye. One day I'll see you again," I smiled sadly at him. Not really… He looked at me with sad eyes.

"What happened to us, Bella? Why did you leave me?" he whispered. Anger flared inside of me. Anger. What I so desperately had wanted to feel for 2 years, and only then I was feeling it.

"How can you ask that?! Edward, you know what happened to us!" I hissed at him. He flinched.

"No I do not. You just left with not a word. Maybe I could arrange we meet here again and I can bring Tanya and Mason-" he began but I raised my hand. How could he even suggest that?! Did he enjoy my pain? Tanya. Where was she?

"What are you doing here in LA?" I demanded to know. He looked surprised.

"I was offered a job in here. I just moved!" he said happily. I stared at him blankly.

"No, no, no, no, NO, NO!" I started to say. I was gripping my hair with my fists, and it did not hurt. I knew real pain, and that was not one. He looked at me weird. "Edward, I moved to LA to be away from you," I hissed between my teeth. He looked hurt. Hurt. How could he have the guts to be hurt?!

"What? Why?" he whispered astonished. I glared at him.

"You know why. I told you 2 years ago. Now, Edward, please do not contact me," I sneered and stormed off, followed suit by Seth. Out in the cold air I shivered, but did not stop moving. I walked as fast as I could towards my house. When I got in there, followed by Seth, I sat down on my couch. I blinked. I felt nothing. Then pain settled in. Pain. Hurt. Anger. Outrage. Sadness. Longing. Longing for what was never mine. Oh, that only pained me more. I broke down in tears on the couch, while Seth hurried to my side and gathered me in his arms. It felt nice. But not safe. I was never safe.

"It's ok, Bella… I promise it will all be alright in the end…" Seth crooned, but I couldn't believe him. How could I? What was my reason to believe? I believed I could move on, and forget Edward. The love of my life. The love of my life that was married to another woman and had a son.

"How can you say that?!" I bowled in his chest. He held me tighter. Stronger. Fearing I would do something stupid.

"Bella… who was he?" he asked me after several minutes of silence. I sniffed.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I whispered. Seth's eyes flashed with anger, but then he looked at me and it changed to understanding. He understood. Just like Emmett had. Like all of my friends had.

"I'm so sorry Bella. But do you know what he is doing here?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"I just know he moved here because he was offered a job in here. Seth, he brought his wife and son!" I exclaimed. He shuddered. Then he just opened his arms wide for me, and I hugged Seth as tight as humanly possible.

Days went by and I still had bad dreams of that day at the coffee shop. I didn't want to know from Edward. I couldn't see him. Talk to him. Think of him! He brought me so much pain, and I just wished every second that I had never met him. Did I really wish that? No. But that was the only way of keeping me sane.

Every single day I would have the same nightmare. I was walking to the park, where I met Seth, and at the end of everything, was Edward. I would run to him like there was no tomorrow, but then, I stopped. Beside him, were Tanya and Mason. And he looked so happy. In every single dream I would fall to the ground crying. Hurting. Screaming. Waiting for the pain to dull. But as days went by, I understood something. My pain in my nightmares would not stop until the pain at day would too. And I did not know when-or _if_ it would stop. So every night I would cry myself to sleep, and woke up screaming and sweating.

That day it was a Thursday night. I was working late shifts to make more money and also to avoid being alone at home. The gang was away visiting family or on vacations somewhere, and Seth was working hard on University. The restaurant was quiet, just some couples sitting in the back of the restaurant; newly-weds, I was sure. The staff was low today, and by the minute more people arrived. My boss asked me to be a waitress for the day, and I agreed easily for the extra money, and I didn't really mind taking orders.

I went around the restaurant, taking orders and bringing them back to the kitchen. That went on for a couple of hours, and I was getting tired. So when I went pass my boss, she told me I could take one more table for the day and then that was it. I could go home. While the idea of resting was appealing, I didn't really want to go to an empty apartment. It was lonely. It was sad. I shook my head, and looking down I went over to a table. I couldn't quite see the couple, but it was a man and a woman. It looked like they were arguing, and I thought I was doing them a favor by interrupting their discussion. Big. Mistake... for me.

"Hello, my name is Bella. I will be taking your orders this evening. What will you like to drink?" I asked politely. And there! I saw the couple. It was no other than… what did you know? Rosalie and Emmett Cullen! What was this?! Time To Bring Back In Bella's Life The People She Tried To Leave Behind?! I looked at them with mouth agape.

"Rosalie?" I broke the silence. Her eyes widened. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Bella?" she whispered. I nodded. She launched off her chair and threw herself at me. She hugged me so tight; it was almost a match for Emmett's bone crushing hugs.

"Rose… can't…. breath," I managed to gasp out. She sniffled and stepped back. She looked at me for a second and then she slapped my arm. Hard... One word: Ouch.

"What the hell Rosalie?!" I screeched. She glared at me.

"WHAT THE HELL?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! MY BEST FRIEND LEFT ME AND EVERYONE ELSE TWO YEARS AGO WITH NOT A WORD AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE _OKAY_ WITH THAT?!" she yelled. I was taken aback. She was right. So right. I nodded.

"You are right Rose, I'm such a horrible friend!" I cried, and threw myself in her arms. I clutched her for everything I had, and she let me cry on her shoulder. She just held me and told me it was okay. Okay. I no longer believed that. How could it? I had been so selfish; putting my own needs before everyone else´s. At some point I stopped bowling, and when I focused my eyes, there was Emmett. He looked happy, surprised, sad, amazed… everything. I looked at his smirk, and he got off the chair and gathered me in his arms for a bone crushing hug. I couldn't breathe. But I welcomed the feeling. I welcomed it with open arms. It was good to be home.

"I missed you so much, Bells," he whispered in my ear. I made a sound like a fish, and he chuckled and put me down. I gasped for air.

"I missed you too. Both of you, so much," I gasped out. They smiled. Then Rose pointed to the table, and I understood. It was the least I could do. I sat down, and beside me Rose and Emmett sad down.

"How are you?" I asked them. Rose smiled sadly.

"Bella, the whole gang stopped hanging out when you went away. Alice and Jasper on their sides, Edward and Tanya on theirs and me and Emmett on ours," she explained sadly. Guilt filled me completely. It drowned me. I had to find a way back to surface.

"I'm so sorry Rose! I never meant to hurt any of you…" I rambled on and on, apologizing. She just shook her head and smiled. She nodded, and put her hand on top of mine.

"And how have you been, Bella?" she asked me. I looked down, and looked up. With my head held high. Proudly. Lying to myself. I was never truly happy after I left my friends behind. So I told her everything. From beginning to end. New friends. New life. New me.

She listened intently while Emmett played with a spoon. A spoon. Balancing it on his nose. Childishly. So like Emmett it made me smile. I missed him. I missed Rose. I missed everyone.

"Are you happy, Bella?" Rose asked me after a while. I hesitated.

"As much as I can be. Without all of my friends. Without the love of my life. I am as good as I can be," I answered honestly. She smiled, though it did not reach her eyes. We talked after that. We caught up in the last two years. So much had happened. Rose and Emmett moved back here with their son Alex. Alice and Jasper did too with their twins Janine and Michael Whitlock. Emmett said all the kids are like angels. Most of the time. My eyes almost popped out of its socket.

"You all moved here?!" I asked, astonished. They nodded. "Oh God, Edward did too," I whispered, placing my face between my hands. I sobbed silently, and they let me cry. After a while I whipped my tears, and stared ahead.

"I can't do this," I whispered. They looked shocked.

"What can't you do?" asked Emmett. I looked down sadly.

"I can't see Edward again, Em. I mean, come on! The guy has a son and a wife!" I exclaimed. Rose and Emmett looked at each other, nodded, and turned to me again.

"We know Edward told you he was happy," began Emmett hesitantly.

"But he was lying. The few times we have seen him he looked so sad, lost, tired, angry… but most of all like he lost the most important thing in his life… and I think that something is you, Bella," finished Rose. I shook my head. No. I wasn't. It was Tanya. Or Mason. Or both.

"Where did you get that idea?" I asked them. They laughed nervously.

"Bella, Edward has been traveling around the States for a long time, trying to find you again. Without Tanya knowing," said Emmett. My heart could not take it. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

"W-What?" I stuttered. They both nodded. They had planned this.

"Did you know I was here?" I asked them both. Emmett looked like a deer caught between the headlights and Rose looked a little bit in panic.

"Maybe… Ok, fine, we did. Edward called us and told us he had seen you. He sounded crushed yet happy at the same time," said Rose nervously. I nodded. It was still too much.

"Did you invite anybody else in here?" I asked hesitantly. Rose looked like a kid did when he was caught stealing a cookie from the jar. Emmett looked like he was in his own world all over again. With an idiotic smile.

"Rose?" I sighed. She shook out of her daze. Then looked at the door. Then back at me. Slowly, she nodded.

"Who?" I whispered. She looked down. Then up. Then panicked.

"They are here," she said. I swallowed. Then slowly turned back on my chair and gasped. Yup, this was definitely God's way of saying 'No devolutions'.

* * *

**Hello! So, maybe I took a little bit longer than expected to update, and I apologize. First I started waiting for poeple to vote, and when I decided to count them all (Edward winning of course) I noticed I had no time because it has been a very full week for me. I apologize, once again.... :D**

**So, in case that you hadn´t guessed what I want, I'll tell you... I want reviews!!! They make me sooo happy that I want to write faster and more for you guys... ;D So for closure, please tell me if you did or did not like my chapter in a pretty review!!!!!!**

**Thank ya'll,**

**Leah.**


	4. Gives you Hell

**Last chapter! Oh, noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Just.... READ!! :D**

* * *

Help me, God. Had he no mercy on me? Had I not suffered enough? This hardly seemed fair. The couple stared at me in surprise. They looked at Rose and Emmett, then at me. 3 times. They did that 3 more times, before they approached us.

"Bella!" screeched Alice happily. I swore my eardrum popped. But then I smiled. Easy as breathing. Meaning it all. Not a fake one anymore. I finally got to see my other best friend after 2 years. 2 years. Had she grown? No, she never did. I got up from my seat, and met her halfway. Jasper was beside her, beaming at me.

"BELLA!" squealed Alice again before jumping on me with a furious hug. And I cried. Cried for the friend I lost so long ago. Selfish. That was all I was. How could I have done this? Gone away for my own needs. Couldn't I have at least left a card? We cried on each other's shoulders, and when I looked up, she smiled through watery eyes.

"I missed you so much," she whispered, and Jasper nodded. I felt happy. Oddly happy. But then again, this was the effect they had on me. I loved them. Each one of them. No exception. After that we talked for hours. Job. Family. House. Baby. Marriage. Friends. Everything we missed the last 2 years. Rose, Emmett, Jazz, Alice and I all talked, laughed and cried- mostly cried.

"Have you made new friends, Bella?" asked Jasper, and I smiled while nodding.

"It took me a while. I just barely met them. Their names are Seth, Jacob, Nessy, Jared, Quil, Clair and Kim. They remind me so much of you guys. Of the gang" I said with a big smile, and they beamed back at me.

"They put you back together, didn't they Bells?" asked Emmett, with a smile that had dimples at the sides. I just smiled and said a quiet yes. When it was time to close up, I told them to come to my house. They all agreed eagerly. I locked up everything, and told them to follow me home. Their answer was a smile.

When we arrived, they started to interrogate me further. What had I been up to? Did I have a boyfriend? How was my job? Was I happy? Funny how the last one was easy to answer in that moment. A few hours later, the doorbell rang. I got up and opened it. It was Seth. With a wide, nice smile.

"Bella!" he smiled happily, and enveloped me in a hug.

"Hey, Seth," I smiled widely. My eyes flickered in the direction of the living room. "Seth, I want you to meet some people," I whispered. He raised an eyebrow, but went along. When we got to the living room, he froze. He knew the description of my old friends.

"Bella?" he asked me, frowning. I smiled to show him I was okay.

"Seth, I want you to meet the most important people in my life" apart from Edward… "The girl with spiky blond hair is Alice Whitlock; the one who has dirty blond hair is Jasper, her husband. Over there we have Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Cullen. Guys, this is Seth Clearwater." I introduced them. Seth smiled shyly, and Alice beamed. She went straight to him and gave him a strong hug. Seth, of course, wasn't expecting this.

"Thank you," she said truthfully, leaving Seth confused. "For helping Bella, when we, well… couldn't," she said. The gang nodded too. Seth shook his head, but smiled.

"It was no trouble, really," he said. Then they fell into an easy talk. Before we knew it, the couples had to head home. Except Seth. I took advantage. I wanted to know what he thought about them. They were important to me. As was Seth.

"So what do you think about them?" I asked him, beaming. He laughed good-naturedly.

"I always thought if I met them, I'd hate them. But Bells, no matter how much I tried, it was impossible. Your friend Alice got me with the hug," he admitted, with a light blush. I giggled. I knew Alice was beautiful. All of my friends were. Inside and out.

"Well, you see how hard it was for me to leave them behind. They are like family," I said, and he nodded with a wide smile. After that, I spoke to Seth. I told him about all of my concerns over Edward, and his family. He told me not to worry. Not to worry! That had been all I did for 2 years. Edward was my life. He had my heart. And when I offered it to him, he took it. He took it and smashed it into pieces. And then he forgot. He forgot all he did. He forgot he hurt me. Hurt me to the core. And then he had the courage to say he missed me.

The next day I skipped work, calling in sick. I was tired, because I did not sleep well. All I saw was my nightmare. The nightmare I had left behind two years in Forks. Along with my life. With my heart. With my everything: Edward. I went with my iPod to the park, the one where I met Seth. I sat on the same bench in which we made small talk, and pulled out my IPod. The song I heard next was 'Gives you Hell' by All-American-Rejects **(A/N btw, you should TOTALLY hear this. Most amazing song **_**ever**_**)**.

I wake up every evening  
with a big smile on my face  
and it never feels out of place.  
And you're still probably working  
At a 9 to 5 pace  
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love  
And where's that shiny car  
Did it ever get you far?  
You never seem so tense, love  
Never seen you fall so hard  
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you  
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself  
Where did it all go wrong?  
But the list goes on and on

Truth be told I miss you  
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see  
What you've done to me  
You can take back your memories  
They're no good to me  
And here's all your lies  
If you look me in the eyes  
With the sad, sad look  
That you wear so well

When you see my face  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)  
When you walk my way  
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)  
When you hear this song and you sing along well you'll never tell  
And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell  
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell  
You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell

I started crying with my eyes closed. Crying because Edward lied to me, told me he loved me. He lied. He made me forgive him every time he looked me with that sad look. He won. I lost. And now I hoped he had a hell of a bad life. And if I said I missed him, I'd lie. I needed him. But not as he needed me. And if I got everything alright from the gang, his life was a mess without me. He picked her. He lost. I lost too. He asked me what happened to us, what did he do? Well, he did too much to count. Not love me, for one. Not that I blamed him. You just feel that, the love. It cannot be forced. So no matter how much I wished he picked me, he loved Tanya, and chose her. I just had to deal with it.

I knew I had to move on from him, I just did. If I didn't I would never be truly happy. I opened my eyes, but it hurt just as much. The determination in me faltered. I saw couples, men, women, in love. And I wished with every fiber of my being one of those couples in love were Edward and I. I sighed, and stood up. Someone crushed into me. I stumbled back, but caught myself and the person who collided with me. I opened my eyes real wide, and saw a little boy. He was really cute. He had maybe two years, and was really small. He barely reached my knees. His hair was blond. He had piercing green eyes, beautiful as Edward's. He was crying. I panicked. I picked him up in my arms, and placed him on my hips.

"Honey, are you okay?" I asked him, caressing his tear-stained cheeks. He sniffled. Then nodded.

"What is your name?" I asked him. He stayed quiet. I laughed softly. Then he smiled. I loved this kid instantaneously. His parents were lucky. This child hadn't even said a word and I was already smitten.

"Where are your mommy and daddy, sweetheart?" I asked him. He looked at me, and then giggled. And pointed. To no other than Edward Anthony Cullen. The man who was staring at me. With a strange look on his face. My face turned ghost-white. I looked at the boy in my arms. Mason.

"Mason?" I asked him, and he giggled with a nod. I laughed half-heartedly. Then I stood up, boy still in my arms, and moved over to Edward Cullen. I handed Mason to him, placing him in his father's arms. Mason looked panicky, and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Stay!" he said with a babyish voice, and I smiled. I stroke his hair, and stepped back.

"I can't, baby. Maybe one day I'll see you around." I told Mason, and looked at Edward coldly. "Goodbye, Edward," I said, and started to walk away, until someone grabbed my wrist. I was met with Edward's familiar green eyes.

"Please, Bella. I want to talk to you," he pleaded with me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Do you really expect me to want to talk to you, Edward?" I asked him in a harsh voice, and he flinched.

"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked in a sad voice. I laughed humorlessly. Then shook my head in disappointment.

"Remember the day of your wedding? When I was heading out, and you pleaded with me to tell you what was wrong since I looked awful? And I told you after your honeymoon?" I asked him, and he nodded. Then I glared. "And when you came back, and went to my house? And you saw all of my packed suitcases?" I asked him, and he flinched at the memory. Then nodded. "Remember what I told you whilst getting in the cab?" I asked him. He stared at me.

"You told me you loved me. But Bella… what's it got to do with any of this?" he asked, confused. My jaw hit the floor. How could he? My vision turned red. And I exploded.

"WHAT'S IT GOT TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS?! IT HAS GOT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!" I shouted. He was taken aback. But there was no going back. "I was in love with you, Edward! I gave you my heart and you took it while smashing it into one million pieces!" I exclaimed, tears flowing freely. He was shocked. But I did not care what he thought anymore. I did not care about anything.

"You did..." he whispered, astonished. I freed from his loosened grasp.

"I did," was all I said, before turning on my heel, and walked out of there. When I got home, it was just on time before it started the rare rain in sunny LA. But I got back to my old position. I sat on the couch, legs pulled against my chest, hands between my legs for warmth and head on my knees. I touched the place where my heart was. I thought about Edward, and it raced. I asked myself if I still loved him, and it gave a little flip. No matter how much I tried, how much I wished, I was still in love with him. And I hated it. I hated it because what good did it make to love someone who didn´t love you back?

That gray morning, I stared at nothing. Ate nothing. Saw nothing. The phone rang countless times, messages were left, and threats were made. But not once did I move. It was strange, because it was like a rewind from two years ago. It was the afternoon, and it still rained. I still hurt. I drifted off to sleep eventually.

That time, I dreamt of a meadow. I was lying on my back, with Edward by my side. I then turned to face him, and he smiled, stroking my cheek. We fell into an easy talk, maybe days went by in the meadow, and neither of us would have noticed. It started to get dark, and then a light shone. From it appeared Tanya, Mason at her hip. She extended her hand to Edward, and he faced me, smiled, stood up, and reached for his wife. He chose her. I woke p, screaming, tears rolling down my face. I checked the clock, it was 5pm. Only an hour went by. Just in that moment the doorbell rang. I sighed. I knew this was coming. What did I expect? My friends could have been scared that I ran away again. Last time this happened, they never saw me again. And they wanted to prevent that. So I pulled myself up, and walked ever so slowly to the door. I opened it. And was met by a wet, tear-stained cheeked, breath panting, pleading-looking, god-like Edward.

"What?" I whispered confused, but he raised his hand to stop me from talking.

"No, you will hear me," he demanded, voice breaking. I nodded. "I thought only I was in love with you. It never occurred to me you loved me too. Never occurred to me you might have wanted a life with me too. Never occurred to me to confess my eternal love. So I settled for second-best, Tanya. And every day I regretted not speaking up before. Yes, I was happy. Because she gave me my pride and joy: Mason. If it wasn't for that beautiful boy, we would have divorced long ago. Our fights were never-ending; are. She wanted what I couldn't give her; what you had. My heart. It has always been yours, Isabella. That fearful day two years ago, broke me. You, too, took away everything I had with you. Our love wasn't one-sided. The other day, at the coffee shop, when I saw you, I was happy for the first time since Mason was born. When I told you I had never been happier, it was because you were again by my side. Since that day, I had made a decision. Divorce. I set the papers to work, and today, finally, I am a divorced man. I have full-custody of Mason; Tanya did not want to keep him. So now here I am; under the rain, divorced and begging for your forgiveness and love. Telling you I love you back. Asking you if you will have me after all this years, if you still love me," he pleaded. I was stunned. Shocked. Amazed. My eyes filled with tears. My heart swell; with love. Love for the man that was under the pouring rain, begging for forgiveness and love. From me. I thought I could do that. And so I laughed, with tears of joy flowing freely, and grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me.

"Yes, Edward! Yes, I love you still. Yes, I forgive you! Yes, I will have you back!" I laughed, and crashed his lips to mine. We both smiled against the kiss, him snaking his arm around my waist. He loved me. He chose me.

* * *

**A/N: Hey, everybody! Did you like my chapter?! Took me long enough... sorry. Um, just wanted to let you know, this is the last chapter. If you want to know what happens later, it goes as follows: Bella's LA's gang got married to each other's couples, Seth married a girl named Leah (not only because that is my name ;D) and Edward pruposed to Bella 8 months after their event. they got married, and Mason grew into a lovely 4 year old boy, when he was greeted by twin siblings; Jason and Alexa Cullen. Tanya wasn't being a bitch when she refused to keep Mason; she just didn't want to raise a child between both houses, so she gave him to Edward. Sometimes she still saw Mason, like, once a month, more times, if it was Mason's wish. **

**And so, everyone grows old, and dies happy. The end. Like? Hate? Love? Please review!! It will make me so happy, and it doesn't matter this has all come to an end, i still want my reviews! :D Thank you readers and reviewers, who made my day...**

**Leah C. Drawn.**


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